Jeremy sits simmering in a corner at a party. He’s here with his girlfriend and, yet again, Niteflirtsignin furious with her. His girlfriend is a flirt. She admits to and even seems proud of this aspect of her personality.
Every time that Jeremy tries to talk with his partner about her flirting, the conversation quickly turns into an argument. Because of this, he avoids talking about it and just gets more and more resentful and angry about it.
Jeremy doesn’t know what to do. It seems to him that his girlfriend cares more about being able to flirt with every guy in the room than she does about his feelings. He also worries that one day her flirting will go too far and she’ll cheat.
If your woman is a flirt, this might be a source of conflict and tension in your relationship too. Perhaps you were initially drawn to how friendly and outgoing she is. Maybe, at first, you were attracted to her flirtatiousness– when it was directed at you.
However, now that you two are a couple, and possibly even married, it may seem inappropriate that she continues to flirt with other guys. When you’ve tried to talk about her behavior or asked her to stop flirting, she might have called you “jealous,” “insecure,” “possessive” or any other dismissive labels.
While there might actually be some truth to what she’s saying, the fact remains that her flirting is uncomfortable to you and it may feel like a betrayal of sorts as well. The fact also remains that it seems impossible for you two to talk about it because she disagrees with you.
Here’s the deal with flirting….
When a couple is in a committed, monogamous relationship, flirting can be a wonderful thing– when it occurs between the two people in the relationship. When one (or both) flirt with others, however, a lot of mixed messages, hurt feelings and disconnection can result.
While it’s clear that flirting with others can be a real problem, confusion often arises about what behaviors are flirting and what are not. Your woman may consider herself to be “extroverted” or “friendly” while you see her as a flirt.
This is why communicating in open and honest ways is so important. Everyone sees particular behaviors and situations differently. If you continue to make assumptions about what’s motivating your woman to act in certain ways, you’re probably going to only intensify the conflict going on in your relationship.
Instead, try these 3 ways to talk to your partner about her flirting…
1: Focus on observable behaviors instead of accusations or labels.
In a charged situation like this, it can be easy to throw around accusations about what you think your woman is doing and why she’s doing it. You might even find yourself calling her names that will only drive bigger wedge between the two of you.
Stop yourself if you do this.
Instead, focus in on observable behaviors that you have seen or that you have reliable proof for. Identify what specific things you have witnessed her saying or doing that you consider to be flirting.
For instance, if she has a tendency to hug or have a lot of physical contact with other men and you don’t think that is okay, talk about those behaviors.
Avoid making blanket statements claiming that she does this “every” or “all” of the time.
2: Talk about how you feel.
Guys don’t always like to talk about feelings, but this is really key when you’re communicating with your partner about her flirting.
Starting out a sentence with something like, “I feel angry when you ” or “I feel worried that you doing will lead to an affair” can help you get to what’s really bugging you about her flirting.
After all, if you didn’t have strong feelings about specific behaviors of hers, this wouldn’t be an issue, would it?
Whenever possible, combine the words, “I feel” with a description of some observable behavior. Don’t claim to know how she feels or what is motivating her to say or do what she’s doing. Stick with what is true for you and then listen to what is true for her with an intention to better understand.
3: Create clear agreements that you both are happy with.
Ultimately, the way to bring more ease around this issue of flirting is for you and your woman to come to some agreements that you both can be okay with.
Promote an environment of honesty and openness. Let her know that you want to really hear her perspective– and then really listen to her. Make it clear to both yourself and to her that an agreement is not going to help your relationship unless it is reasonable and you both are wholly amenable to it.